Royal Rumble 2003

The Royal Rumble(2003) was the sixteenth annual Royal Rumble Professional Wrestling Pay-Per-View Broadcast by both The World Wrestling Federation and The Gay Wrestling Federation. It was presented by Microsoft(who went Bankrupt one month later because of their involvement) and took place on January 19th, 2003 at an abandoned nightclub in Harlem, New York. The show opened with Ronald N. looking into the camera and says "What up, I gotta big cock" before starting the video package hyping up the 331 man rumble match.

Notable Incidents.
Unlike the other Royal Rumble matches in the past, this one included over 331 men and they legitimately picked random numbers out of the asses of crackheads and strippers that were wandering around the backstage area and over the top rope eliminations were rarely enforced by the officals around ringside and Wrestlers were only eliminated by being murdered. New Jack entered in at number #1 and his theme song played for the entire 6 hour match. At one point he ducktaped a piece of shit to a steel chair and hit Brian Christopher in the face with it, And not minutes after this he bashed Tyson Kidd in the head over and over until he stopped moving without New Jack or any staff member telling him about this beforehand.

Scott Hall came in at number #67 and for some bizarre reason walked out in slow motion while people just walk passed him and he slicked his hair back 75 times. Bob Holly Entered in at number #19 and came out to his "HOW DO YOU LIKE ME NOW" theme but as a joke the backstage officals changed it to 'I SUCK FUCKING DICKS" And didn't tell him. When the countdown timer went off for Number #9's entrance, Goldberg's music hit which made the crowd go insane until Gillberg came out instead and lasted in the Rumble for over 38 minutes, When a fan insulted him Gillberg yelled back "I'm the greatest man in the world, You can suck my ass"  When Number #39 was about to make his entrance the lights went out and a single spotlight aimed at the Titantron showed a blue and yellow graphic of a man standing on a trampoline with his arms raised triumphantly as the speakers erupt with "I'M NOT BOOKED"  Coming down the aisle in a red and silver robe befitting Ric Flair in late 90's WCW, In the best shape of his career Terry Funk's friend Dennis Stamp runs down as Jim Ross screamed "HE'S BOOKED TONIGHT, KING! HE'S BOOKED TONIGHT!!"

There were 22 men left in the ring when X-Pac came in at number #40 and when his music hit everyone stopped what they were doing and ran up the ramp to beat X-Pac up, Later on Helicoptor footage shows 23 sweaty wrestlers chasing X-Pac down the street outside the arena. Billy Gunn got the last spot at number #331 and when he comes out the lights just shut off, Meatloaf was set to make an appearance at some point during the event but couldn't make it because he was trapped in a hallway by ghosts while fliming his guest spot on a live episode of Ghost Hunters on the Syfy Channel. The fight briefly took place in the parking lot when New Jack beat Kurt Angle with a sledgehammer while Chris Benoit rode around them on a motorcycle and grabbed a ref by the throat and dragged him around.

Number #41 was a Robot that Paul Heyman dragged to the ring and after 5 minutes of tinkering managed to activate him, he powered on and said "Adam. Copeland. Has A. Crooked. Asshole" before killed 3 people with a built in flamethrower. Terry Funk wins the rumble by last eliminating New Jack, but New Jack quickly pulled out a pistol and shot Terry in the face 152 times.

Serving Hard Time and Excusing Bitches Since 1999
During the rumble, The Big Bossman's theme hit 15 times without him coming out. The fans cheered the first 3 times but eventually just stopped caring because he never came out. But then on the 16th time the titantron showed The Bossman's locker room door like Goldberg's entrance and after a 5 minute pause he opened the door and walked out with cocaine all over his nose, He then wandered around the backstage area in a cocaine induced daze with bloodshot eyes. He got lost 6 times and at one point he bumped into a hooker and yelled "SAY EXCUSE ME, BITCH!!" this lasted for 2 hours and the camera never cut back to the ring so everyone watching on PPV had no idea what was happening in the ring untill he eventually made it out to the entance ramp to the surprise of everyone. However, as he was stumbling down the ramp he bumped into Big Show and got turned around and unintentionally wandered back to the backstage area where he remained for another hour. After that the made his way out again and got to the ring, he observed everyone fighting in the ring and threw in an Incendiary Grenade and killed everyone inside the ring, with the ring clear he climbed into the ring and started jumping up and down in celebration but this led to him suffering from a heart attack and he fell over dead in the ring.